This is my attempt at journalling my stream of consciousness. As thoughts pop into my head I am writing them down throughout the day. Well see if it works.
Need to donate part of my severance to God.
11:28 AM – Thought about checking out CL.
There’s got to be a way to capitalize on all this new residential property and these apartments going up.
Just checked out the pink runners ass and another runners nipple.
I’m jealous of all these people running. I wonder if I can run now that my meds have me feeling better?
11:41 AM – Time to meditate ( at the whistles by
LocationWitheld and LocationWitheld )
– Wow, that was tough. My mind is so wanderful
– I think Headspace is better than Calm – Andy’s voice is so soothing
– I want to check out some hot bodies
– I think I should chill out for a while and catch up on Marvel’s Agents of Shield
– I need to build a really cheap iOS meditation app and see how it sells. Just the basics
– Look at these 3 girls.
– God I love
LocationWitheld and yoga pants.
– What will I eat for lunch?
– 11:54 AM – that was 9 minutes of meditation and some of the thoughts that went through my head during and afterwards.
Should I do an interview next week with
12:00 PM – It’s hard to even pick where I want to eat for lunch.
I’m really putting off calling the bank. I really need to do that asap.
I wonder if Amazon has an oil and gas investment division. I should look into that. Alignment with hedging for data centers. ( I’m listening to marketplace that’s why this popped into my head. They were talking about it. )
Can I publish from Day One to WordPress?
I’d like to live at the
ApartmentNameWitheld ( LocationWitheld area).
These are my thoughts on lunch: can’t make up mind on what I wanted, I was worried about spending too much ready by five when I was gonna like it or not when you get a burger whatever (attempted dictation via iOS)
I’m eating at the
RestaurantNameWitheld. This place is too nice for what I needed today. I ordered a Greek Sandwich with a side of fruit and am having water to drink.
1:00 PM – Back at Starbucks again. Sigh…..
Ordered a Grande Shaken Iced White Tea, Unsweetened
The girl sitting in front of me is kind of cute. I just thought about going to look at porn or CL again. I want to see some beautiful and sexy women.
I’m going to finish going through my news notifications and then my emails. Or maybe the other way around.
Look into Google as well on the Venture Capital oil side.
I have a stocking fetish, have I mentioned that? I just check out the legs of a lady in pantyhose. Got me thinking about Literotica and Silkstockingslover’s stories.
Going back to my my PCS learnings and thoughts… I know I’m not supposed to define myself but what I do for a living and my accomplishments, but I can’t seem to help it as my mind wanders back to jobs and what I want to do with my life and how I want to be more than just ‘staff.’
Loved that long curly hair and white pants on the girl that just walked by, wish I could have seen her face though. Reminded me of Kim from Bible camp or Breanne from Cochrane
Wow! Check out that spandex ass and white tee girl. Nice legs, Mind the gap.
1:55 PM – Letter to my PCS groups:
Hey guys, a group check in would be great! Although I don’t relish the thought of
DrNameWitheld or DrNameWitheld pushing us even though I know I personally need it.
How are you all?
Person1, I’m glad you stopped lurking.
Person2, happy to hear from you!
Person3, are you there? I’m enjoying your newsletter.
Person4, I hear you on the ups and downs it’s been the same for me this week.
Person5, Person6 & Person7, I’m a little jealous that you guys get to meet up living so close to each other.
My wife and I are starting the therapeutic separation. I’ve been living like a nomad floating between airbnb’s and our apartment and
City1 and City2 for the past two weeks, I’m taking possession of a short term apartment this weekend. Then it’s really going to get tough I think. I’m a little angry and frustrated but at the same time I understand why it’s needed and I’m looking forward to it. This woman must really love me though if she’s willing to still want to or try to work on things. I’m looking forward to establishing more of a routine living in a regular place though.
I’m slowing down the job search because I’m probably not ready just yet and I’d like to resolve all the court stuff first. It’s a delicate balance though, because I don’t want to pass up on opportunities or miss them, but I also don’t want to lie or be dishonest in the process.
I’ve started a blog. It’s out there publicly (anonymously of course) I will share it with you guys eventually, maybe… journaling is supposed to be part of my recovery so I figured why not make it public, maybe it will help someone else and maybe I will get a book deal out of it, lol. Magical thinking…
I still struggle to reach out and connect, I’ve been putting off calling people and even emailing you guys, I finally did it today. Hooray.
Lots and lots of other crap going on but I’ve said enough for now.
I’m thinking of all of you.
Person4, looking forward to talking soon.
Person5, glad to here you are getting out there, schools gotta be exciting.
Person7, let me know how that somatic experience stuff goes. I really got a lot out of my time during week two with Therapist. A ton.
Person1, I’ve looked at a ton of apartments lately, and companies, been thinking a lot about that business. Going to need to pick your brain at some point.
Person2, I’m nervous about Easter too, my wife and I used to host friends and I’d cook a turkey, but now a lot of those friends are not speaking to me. I hope your Easter goes well.
Person6, how are you? To me, it sounds like you are doing well.
Person3… how are ya?
2:24 PM – While trying to read an article about a high end call girl who murdered a google exec I opened the page in chrome (safari problems) which still had all my porn sites open. So now I got to thinking about do I close those, or do I save them so that I can enjoy them later on? Fuck!
Just found this site: http://livingwithasexaddict.com/category/living-with-a-sex-addict/
And this one: https://recoveringfrompornaddictionblog.wordpress.com
And this one: Painfuladdiction.com
Someone just followed my blog, I went to check out who it was and it turns out it is someone who writes erotica, I read a couple of the stories, i shouldn’t have but I wanted to. Now I’m sitting at Starbucks with a hardon. This isn’t helping me. But I’m telling on myself.
Attractive Asian woman with long legs and a nice tight but just walked into Starbucks. I also just noticed to women in yoga gear over in the corner of the patio.
Need to add a links page on my blog, resources, other blogs, twitter, etc
Maybe I can self publish on Amazon…
2:53 PM – Time to read
Even as I’m reading I’m negotiating with myself about whether or not I will watch porn and masturbate this evening after an SAA meeting.
I need to get a logger app for this. I wonder if there is a stream of consciousness app that would track each entry by the minute? If there isn’t I should build one.
Next week I need to work on amends. A letter to Joe.
3:19 PM – Read chapter one of the big green book. Left Starbucks and now going to walk somewhere.
Just saw a woman in yoga pants who had a nice ass. Did a triple take. Also saw some cute girls at the trail. Wanted to get a closer look.
Blond girl with dog on trail. Cute, nice top half unattractive legs ( this is what I thought )
Need an app that tracks time and location every time I make an entry
3:48 PM – Back at a Starbucks again.
Just got a bottle of water and an iced lemon pound cake. Time to sign my lease documents and get the utilities set up.
While signing these lease documents I just can’t stop thinking about the next few months. So much uncertainty there.
I think a girl just walked in wearing short shorts and pantyhose. My, what that does to my mind.
Neighborhood is a bad place for me to hang out.
4:47 PM – I feel homeless. I don’t like not being allowed in my own home without her (
I did it again! I’m feeling stressed and lonely and lost and my mind wandered to thought of checking out what’s on the CL personals page again.
Restaurant saw a woman with a kid. Noticed her long slim legs and did a double take.
I just thought half seriously about going to the ice house and having a drink. ( I’m walking on the trail)
Acquaintance on the trail and deliberately avoided eye contact. I hope he didn’t see me.
5:10 PM – Just flipping through The Chive…
5:30 PM – just talked to
Friend and also MyWife
6:00 PM – In a Lyft on my way to the pre SAA dinner meeting. Fuck what is wrong with these guys and their directions. Seriously I get that you don’t want to pay the tolls but if I get charged more than my quote I’m giving you a bad review.
6:15 PM – Outside of PeiWei – Holy Shit!! That women with the kids in the stockings and heels. Holy shit.
8:20 PM – SAA meeting – how is the formal first step different than disclosure?