It’s been a while since I journaled and posted. I’ve been pretty depressed and discouraged of late. All my goals have fallen by the wayside and I’ve had a hard time getting anything done or focusing on any single task.
I don’t know whether it’s been the addiction or dealing with the consequences of my actions as an addict that had brought me to this point but it’s been damn hard to continue living. I can’t remember I believe the last time I journaled would have been before I moved into my new apartment; that would have been over a week and a half ago. So yeah… I’m in a new place, living on my own. I have no car, it got repo’d. My bank account is hemorrhaging money. Debt collectors are calling, my taxes are undone. I’m unemployed and I’m a sex addict.
So that’s my life at least that’s how my life stands right now.
Somehow this evening I do feel a bit encouraged. The truth is slowly starting to come out. There a few prospects on the horizon for a job, they may be slim. My charges of soliciting a prostitute will be dismissed after 90 days of probation and 16hrs of community service and then I can move to expunge them from the record.
My wife still loves me and she even has some hope for me. I don’t know if this marriage will survive disclosure but it definitely won’t survive not disclosing things. People keep telling me the truth will set you free. Well, we shall see, I hope and pray that they are right.
I talked to a guy on the phone, he’s with www.strenthtofight.ca. That was a fairly good conversation. He does coaching and helps guys deal with porn and sex addictions. I’m going to give it a shot, we shall see how it goes. I also was told to check out another website: www.xxxchurch.com. No it’s not a porn site. It’s another one to do with porn addiction, I haven’t checked it out much yet, but that will be part of my goals.
Even though I found the problem overwhelming, I find the solutions overwhelming as well. I know I struggle with making choices, I’m pretty sure it’s partially to do with making the wrong choice, I think it’s what addicts do or struggle with, at least I certainly do. I also make plans goals and then struggle to follow through with them or stick to them.
Well I’m starting again so we shall see how it goes.
- My conversation with
Coach– while not necessarily uplifting, I think it was helpful.
- I got my business plan written and sent to
InvestmentBankfor the A&D position – I’m not 100% sure of the quality or strength but it’s done and out there.
- I spent the evening with
MyWife– it didn’t feel all that comfortable tonight, but it’s time together.
Goals for tomorrow:
- Get up by 6:30.
- Get some exercise in – either a gym workout or a walk or both in the morning.
- Get my list of things I have to get done next week emailed to
Coachby 10:00 AM.