It more than likely has to do with when I actually get to bed and get to sleep. I didn’t crawl into be until close to midnight, then I read for a little bit and it also took me longer to fall asleep than it usually does. Maybe because I ate late, maybe because I’m stressed or depressed, maybe for some other reason, I’m not sure. Normally I put my head down and moments later I’m out, not so last night.
I was awake at 5:30/6:00… I could have gotten up, but I chose not to. I chose the comfort and warmth of my bed. I let sleep wrap me back up in it’s tight and comfort embrace.
When I finally did fully awake just before 8:00 this morning, I still lazed in bed. I spent almost an hour just reading my emails. I’m signed up for way too many email newsletters, I need to cut those the number of those way back.
Now it’s almost 9:30. I’m eating my breakfast, drinking my coffee and typing on my computer. I feel regret that I didn’t get up earlier and could have done this an hour or two ago.
Last night I went to a Men’s self-control recovery group at a local church that I recently attended. It was a small group, just four men. They treat it like an SAA or a 12 Step meeting but slightly different. It was ok, but a little awkward, lots of silence, which was uncomfortable. I will try it again, but it does make me wonder what people get out this sometimes.
On my walk back from the group, I listened to an episode of Porn Free Radio on iTunes Podcasting app. PFR Episode 113 – Becoming the type of man that does not look at porn. I took encouragement from this episode because he talked a great deal about focusing on What to do, rather than what not to do. (Yes I know I already shared this in a couple of blog posts). The key message was that this man, who had made it to 81 days porn and masturbation free “by making daily investment building his character.”
From the PFR Blog Post: He writes, “I am inhabiting a place of becoming the type of man that does not look at porn. Instead of; practicing behaviors that keep me from looking at porn.”
I am, at the time of this writing – not posting, 1 day, 16hr and 36 min porn and masturbation free. Not much to brag about, I know, but I did like about investing in my character and practicing behaviors that keep me from looking at porn. I’m trying to practice that, but I am not succeeding very well, that’s why I get discouraged when I fail to get out of bed early or I fail at something else. I will keep on trying though. People I love and who love me are counting on me to try.
Goals for today:
- Call with
DamnHealthInsurerabout Insurance Claim
- Prepare Materials for
- Apply to at least 2 more jobs
- Reach out to
- Complete Chapter 3 of Beginning iOS 10 Programming with Swift
- Go to SAA Meeting tonight
Other nice to dos:
- Fill out Journal and PCI templates and get them onto my blog
- Read a chapter of Daring Greatly
- Read a chapter of Gentle Path through the 12 Steps
- Write Letter to
- Work on Finances
Prayer for the day:
Dear Lord, please give me the strength to continue working towards recover. Thank you for family and loved ones who care about me and give me a reason to get better. I pray that you will also help me want to get better for myself. I pray that you will grant me your peace and you will give me focus and direction and that you will look out for me and my loved ones. I thank you for your bounty and your grace and that you have blessed me with much even though I have squandered almost everything that you have given me. I pray that you will grant me serenity and fill me with your love and strengthen my faith.