It’s been almost 96 hrs, according to Nomo, since I looked at porn and masturbated. I’m back at my building this afternoon after spending the morning with
MyWife. I know the urges are going to come strong today.
I’m sitting down by the pool area and trying to do some reading, I’m only a few pages in and I feel it creeping in… the urge to read some erotic fiction. I find myself wondering if one of my favorite authors,
EroticFictionAuthor on EroticFictionWebsite has published any new stories. Maybe I could just go see…
The thing is, if I go see if there’s a new story then I will end up reading that new story and then the next thing I know, I will be upstairs in my bed fapping it.
It’s not that I believe that their is anything wrong with a little fantasy and especially if it’s fictional. It’s just that for me, right now, in this place, at this time, it is not healthy for me. It will lead to fantasy and preoccupation and masturbation. It just leads to bad things, things that I’m not sure by themselves are entirely bad, but they often lead to worse things. I’m try to heal and rid myself of that stuff.
It makes me feel sad though, and a little angry. I enjoyed those stories, they brought me entertainment and some satisfaction and some pleasure.
Why can I just read the damn stories? Fuck!