Tuesday May 2nd…

Dear God, just for today, let me be honest. If I have slipped, let me admit it. If I feel remorseful about something in the past, let me tell someone and heal. – From Answers in the Heart, May 2nd.

It’s only through Grace that MyWife still loves me and sticks by me and God will ever forgive me.

  • What is Transcendental Meditation? How is it different than Mindfulness Meditation?
  • What are Chakra’s, what to they mean?
  • What is the practice of TaiChi?
  • What about breathing exercises? Deep breathing? What’s normal breathing?
  • I want my app to track the podcasts I listen to. And possibly the websites I visit. I wonder if it can track the time spent on each of those.
  • The Case for Christ – Lee Strobel
  • Card and Birthday Party planning for MyWife – and also present
  • Card for Mom’s Birthday and Mother’s Day

It’s interesting to note how when I do a meditation now, the 10 minutes seems to go by so fast, when it used to drag on so much before. I still have a hard time focusing my attention on the practice however. My mind is constantly trying to store the thoughts that pop into my head to jot them down somewhere afterwards.

I had my call with Coach this morning, we talked about a lot of things, but one in particular was a presentation he was giving to church leaders. It made me remember how I felt about disclosing how pornography to others, especially in a church or two my parents. I don’t know exactly how it did or would have gone down, but my immediate gut reaction is a violently negative one. Which is largely what contributed to me keeping things secret then and later in my life.

I do remember a pastor I met at bible camp one summer, Pastor’sNameWithheld (not sure if that’s the correct spelling), I disclosed my porn usage to him. I was mid-teens then. I had a strong hope of giving it up entirely during that week, but it didn’t stick long after that point. I quickly went back to my old ways once the glow of bible camp had worn off.

I started journaling this morning at 7:50 AM and I’ve been noting things down throughout the day. Things I’d like to keep track of, thoughts I’m feeling, insights, questions, etc. I still haven’t settled on a format that I feel totally at ease with or captures everything I want to capture.

On that same token, I’m also struggling to get the ‘perfect’ Personal Craziness Inventory or Self Care Index built. The problem lies in getting it perfect. I want things to be perfect and do all these special things and work with this and also work with that, or push it here or export it there. I get lost in the details.

I have started using Nomo as well as RTribe, but I also want to have a spreadsheet or app that inventories everything and also pushes it out to my blog. I’m not exactly sure why, it’s not like I ever actually go back and look at things to see who I’ve done, but I want to, I want to have the ability to.

I remember learning sometime ago about tracking things. How do you know you are getting better if you don’t measure and track. It was a Lean thing or SixSigma, I learned it somewhere in my professional world, I’m just not quite sure where exactly. Anyways, the point is that it has always stuck with me. Stuck with me at least as an admiration, not necessarily something that I actually do.

My day so far:

  • 7:10 AM – Got up and made the bed, had a coffee.
  • 7:20 AM – Read a meditation from Answers in the Heart and Our Daily Bread, prayed and meditated.
  • 8:15 AM – Made some breakfast, started looking at Health Insurance Claims and tracking that crap.
  • 10:00 AM – Had my daily call with Coach.
  • 10:50 AM – Check some emails, played with my phone, etc.
  • 11:15 AM – talked to my Aunt.
  • 12:00 PM – Worked out – 3rd workout in 6 days.
  • 1:00 PM – Warmed up lunch and called MyWife
  • 1:20 PM – right now!


What to do with the rest of my day?

  • Need to finish those medical claims.
  • Find a place for lunch with Friend tomorrow.
  • Want to sit by the pool in the sun for a bit, get some reading down.
  • Need to work on my disclosure and finances.
  • Want to walk over to MyWife’s around 4:30 or 5:00 to walk the dogs
  • Going to go to an SAA meeting this evening.
  • I’m debating whether or not to try and fit in Day 2 of 31 days of Yoga with Adriene – it’s a YouTube video series I started yesterday and I’d kind of like to do it every day for 31 days. We’ll see if I get it in this afternoon or perhaps this evening after my meeting. That might be the best time.

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