I can’t seem to get up and do anything. I’m really struggling today. I just keep thinking everything over in my head but not actually doing anything. I’m craving masturbation. I want to act out. I’ve been doing a bit of edging which isn’t too healthy. I have lots to do, but I don’t want to do it. Any of it.

I’m hungry, but I don’t want to get up and make any food, I haven’t even showered yet.

Just complete de-motivation or avoidance at the moment. So difficult. Just watched some TV and have been on Facebook and instagram. The edging behavior that I mentioned earlier, was going back to Skype to talk to someone I once had chatted with before about hooking up. I also indulged chatting on Google hangouts with someone who I’m sure is just trying to get me to send them money, but I chatted anyways in hopes that it would lead to exchanging some pics or something.

I put both away now. But I’m struggling to get up and take proper care of myself. I’m even wondering if I get up, should I eat first and then go to the gym or should I go to the gym and then eat?

My apartment is a mess and needs to be vacuumed and dusted. My finances and health insurance claims need to be attended too.

Why can’t I get going? So helpless right now. Struggling so much.

Not going to break, got to keep strong. Got to keep moving forward. I need to take care of myself.