Today

I feel anxious and overwhelmed. I feel a bit angry and powerless. I feel that my struggles with MyWife are futile and hopeless. I feel like things are never going to get better.

I feel ashamed. I’m going to send my family disclosure to my cousins and I’m scared to do that. I don’t know what to do with my life.

I feel lost and powerless. I feel like I’m a failure and my life is broken forever. I don’t want to do the work because it’s painful and it is work. But I must do the work if things are ever to get better.

I constantly struggle with whether or not I’m doing this for me or for MyWife. I’m doing it for both.

I’d like to give up and quit but that’s a coward’s way out, and even though I’m a coward, that’s not the way I want to be. Step work is hard. Recovery is hard. Asking for help is hard. I’m proud and that hurt me.

I want God’s help but I struggle to even believe at times.

I just meditated, I think it helped a little bit.

I love my wife but why do I struggle to do what is right by her? Why do I struggle to let myself be known and to show myself to others.

Oh Lord please help me and give me strength and fill me with your love.

One thought on “Today

  1. Reality is that things may or may not get better with your wife regardless of what you do. But things can get better for you. It is her choice whether they also get better for her. You aren’t responsible for that. Sounds odd coming from me, the wife of a sex addict, but I have seen it so many times in my recovery group. Where the husband does a full recovery but the wife never accepts it because she hasn’t done her own recovery work from the effects of the betrayal and addiction. A marriage cannot be healthy unless both individuals in it are healthy. The only person you can change is you. Obviously, I have no idea what your wife is doing or not doing, so this is not a criticism or judgment of her specifically. Yes, it is hard work, but so worth it to receive freedom and become the man God created you to be. Keep on going. There is hope for you, your wife and marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

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