So I’ve started reading a book called Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners Paperback by Kenneth Adams Ph.D. . I’m reading it because a therapist has recommended it and my wife is pretty big on the idea that my family is the root of all my problems. I’m not denying that she’s right, I just have a hard time with it.
I’ve read the first three chapters so far. Some of it fits, some of it doesn’t. I don’t ever feel that there was inappropriate sexual energy or conduct in any way, but there were some other things. Up until recently, when I thought of my childhood, I thought it was great, but maybe it wasn’t.
All of the examples so far in the book are about mom’s who were really close to their sons and doted on them and made them partners and confidants. I often fought with my mom, I wouldn’t say we were exceptionally close, however she did get me to do things in the yard and around that house when my dad wouldn’t or hadn’t yet. She also did tell me stuff about the family and my brothers, this became more apparent as I got older. I wouldn’t say my dad was uninvolved or distant, but he wasn’t emotional and he worked all the time, either at his job or on the farm.
I was also a bit of a golden boy to my immediate and extended family. I’m not sure how that factors in with respect to the book, but I know it has been mentioned and will.
I didn’t confide in my parents or others, I didn’t confide in anyone, which is probably why I am closed off emotionally. I’m working at getting more open but it takes time.
My family has caused a ton of problems in my relationship. Now my wife would like me to cut them out entirely. My little brother pretty much did. I don’t feel that’s entirely the right answer, but I don’t know how to solve the fucking problem or what to do about it. I guess it’s time to continue reading the book.