I feel anxious and overwhelmed. I feel a bit angry and powerless. I feel that my struggles with MyWife are futile and hopeless. I feel like things are never going to get better. I feel ashamed. I’m going to send my family disclosure to my cousins and I’m scared to do that. I don’t know […]Read more "Today"
I recently started reading Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning. It was recommended to me by the pastor of a church I’ve been attending recently. I don’t know why, but I find this kind of stuff so hard to read. I can read a good fiction book like something by James Rollins or Steve Berry in as […]Read more "Hello God"
I guess what I can say about it is that it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It was painful and shameful. Terrifying and nerve wracking but my wife didn’t get up and run out of there screaming. She did’t look at me with disgust. She didn’t even get angry. I am scared that she […]Read more "I Did My Disclosure Today…"
I listen to a lot of podcasts. I thought this was good excerpt from the May 19th edition of This American Life. I don’t know why I though it was so good, other than it spoke about someone in a very similar situation to me. Here is the audio from Act 2: Act II – […]Read more "Fermi’s Paradox"
I thought this was supposed to be getting easier. It’s not. I had though that knowing more about all of this would help. It hasn’t. I thought I would be doing better, but I’m not. Addiction, or at least sex addiction is lonely. The opposite of addiction is supposed to be connection. Why is connection […]Read more "I need to brush my teeth…"
So I’m back in CityX for two days. I came down for a job interview today and I also had to arrange some community service hours with the court and I have to meet with my probation officer tomorrow. (In case you haven’t been following, I was arrested for soliciting prostitution, which is how I […]Read more "Back in CityX… Old Temptations Arise"
So maybe not actually the first draft, but a draft. They say you can’t heal without doing a disclosure, nor will your marriage ever heal. I hope they are right, but I don’t see how my marriage will ever heal after she hears all this. There’s just so much, it’s such an insane amount and […]Read more "First Draft of My Disclosure"
And I am doing better, but I still have a very, very long way to go. My Answers in the Heart – May 9th – mediation this morning talk about a couple of things that hit close to home. Self absorption, sluggishness in the morning, wanting to live forever. Vision narrowing until it was only about […]Read more "I thought I was doing better…"
And loneliness… and other things. When I talked to my coach this morning, before my last post. We talked about how I hadn’t been eating that well over the weekend, how I hadn’t been practicing good self care. How I was struggling with motivation. He mentioned that since it’s been almost two week without that […]Read more "It really is withdrawl ( a little explicit or vulgar )"
I can’t seem to get up and do anything. I’m really struggling today. I just keep thinking everything over in my head but not actually doing anything. I’m craving masturbation. I want to act out. I’ve been doing a bit of edging which isn’t too healthy. I have lots to do, but I don’t want […]Read more "Is this withdrawal?"