I feel anxious and overwhelmed. I feel a bit angry and powerless. I feel that my struggles with MyWife are futile and hopeless. I feel like things are never going to get better. I feel ashamed. I’m going to send my family disclosure to my cousins and I’m scared to do that. I don’t know […]
Read more "Today"Well today was a long, shitty day. I once again didn’t get up as early as I wanted to. I succumbed to the temptation of pornography and masturbation once again this morning. I packed up my stuff from my apartment, I’m moving it back to City1 to City2. All but two items, a propane grill and […]
Read more "Wednesday… I feel so lost and hopeless"So yeah, I have a really oily face. I recently started taking prednisone for my autoimmune disorder. Its nasty stuff, but thankfully I’m on a low dose and decreasing dose. I wonder if that’s what causes oiliness in my face or if it’s something else? Hmm… I just finished my HIV/Aids awareness course. It was […]
Read more "Why is my nose so oily? Is it the prednisone?"So I didn’t get up at 5:00 AM. I didn’t get up till just after 8:00 AM. In order for me to get up that early I am definitely going to have to get to sleep before midnight. I am at Method Coffee right now. I have read Our Daily Bread – didn’t get much […]
Read more "Monday Morning"I just thought about looking at CL ads again. Maybe because there’s what looks like a cute Asian girl in the lobby… I’m telling my controlling child that I don’t need to do that or look at porn to deal with that.
Read more "Again!"Just saw a couple of attractive women running on the trail, noticed a nipple or two and I just said to myself “aw fuck it lets just jerk of today” I’m thinking this way because I just saw FormerFriend?, an old/former friend and that brought up some pain. This whole morning seems kind of painful.
Read more "So…"And as I stepped out of the building I just thought about looking at the CL personals. Nope, I’m not going to do it. Going to enjoy my walk with the dogs and enjoy being in the moment with them and also enjoy my marketplace podcast. #trypod I’m angry that FormerFriend? abandoned me. Why couldn’t he […]
Read more "Going for a walk with the dogs…"I’m back at the apartment, I have a moderate level of anxiety this morning. It was nice to spend some time with MyWife and the dogs. I’m mulling over what to do about this Company interview? Should I do it? It would be nice to get all my stuff back up here. Although there is also the […]
Read more "Back At The Apartment"This morning I just want to start by relating how much of a struggle this addiction can be. Forget the root of the problem and how I came to be this way; never mind whether or not this is normal or whether other people deal with these same things, this is what I deal with. […]
Read more "It really is a struggle… (oh and I’m an asshole)"This is my attempt at journalling my stream of consciousness. As thoughts pop into my head I am writing them down throughout the day. Well see if it works. Need to donate part of my severance to God. 11:28 AM – Thought about checking out CL. There’s got to be a way to capitalize on […]
Read more "Stream of consciousness…"