I feel anxious and overwhelmed. I feel a bit angry and powerless. I feel that my struggles with MyWife are futile and hopeless. I feel like things are never going to get better. I feel ashamed. I’m going to send my family disclosure to my cousins and I’m scared to do that. I don’t know […]Read more "Today"
I woke up, scratch that, got up, later than I would have like this morning. I was awake at 5:30/6:00 but I went back to sleep until the second set of alarms went off at 7:00. Even then I continued to hit snooze until almost 7:30. Why do I seem to lack the will power […]Read more "Thursday, May 4th (brief explicit themes)"
It’s kind of crazy how quickly my anxiety and tension can build back up. It’s also kind of crazy how quickly the desire to act out rises to match those feelings. I’m an avoider. I avoid conflict, I avoid difficult situations, I avoid pain and anguish. Does that make me a coward? In the past I […]Read more "Anxiety Builds"
Well today was a long, shitty day. I once again didn’t get up as early as I wanted to. I succumbed to the temptation of pornography and masturbation once again this morning. I packed up my stuff from my apartment, I’m moving it back to City1 to City2. All but two items, a propane grill and […]Read more "Wednesday… I feel so lost and hopeless"
My plan for tomorrow: 5:00 AM – 5:30 AM – Wake Up, Get Up 5:30 AM – 6:00 AM Read ODB, Answers in the heart – write down what they made me think about and how I felt. Pray Read other sheets I picked up at SAA if time allows 6:00 AM – 7:00 AM […]Read more "Tomorrow’s Goals"
Because I can. Because I wanted to. Because I’m back at NeighborhoodBar perhaps? It’s a Karbach Hopadillo an IPA brewed at Karbach brewery in Houston. I came over here to eat some dinner because it’s across the street from my apartment and I wanted to eat something before I went to my SAA meeting this […]Read more "Why am I having a beer today?"
I’m so scared of losing MyWife. I know she doesn’t really believe that, but it’s true. I’m terrified of it. As she was talking this evening about her therapy sessions, both yesterday and today, she mentioned grieving. She needs to grieve. I fear it’s grieving me and our relationship and moving away from me. (Here […]Read more "I’m so scared…"
So this is my apartment too. My name is on the lease. I paid for the fucking place. I don’t care whether it’s morally right or not, I have a fucking legal right to be here. Some women would have kicked their husbands out on the street, says HerTherapist, some men would have cut their […]Read more "MyWife"
And as I stepped out of the building I just thought about looking at the CL personals. Nope, I’m not going to do it. Going to enjoy my walk with the dogs and enjoy being in the moment with them and also enjoy my marketplace podcast. #trypod I’m angry that FormerFriend? abandoned me. Why couldn’t he […]Read more "Going for a walk with the dogs…"
gives me mad anxiety. I don’t know why. I fear I’m going to be late.Read more "Waiting in Traffic…"