I feel anxious and overwhelmed. I feel a bit angry and powerless. I feel that my struggles with MyWife are futile and hopeless. I feel like things are never going to get better. I feel ashamed. I’m going to send my family disclosure to my cousins and I’m scared to do that. I don’t know […]Read more "Today"
I woke up, scratch that, got up, later than I would have like this morning. I was awake at 5:30/6:00 but I went back to sleep until the second set of alarms went off at 7:00. Even then I continued to hit snooze until almost 7:30. Why do I seem to lack the will power […]Read more "Thursday, May 4th (brief explicit themes)"
It’s kind of crazy how quickly my anxiety and tension can build back up. It’s also kind of crazy how quickly the desire to act out rises to match those feelings. I’m an avoider. I avoid conflict, I avoid difficult situations, I avoid pain and anguish. Does that make me a coward? In the past I […]Read more "Anxiety Builds"
Well today was a long, shitty day. I once again didn’t get up as early as I wanted to. I succumbed to the temptation of pornography and masturbation once again this morning. I packed up my stuff from my apartment, I’m moving it back to City1 to City2. All but two items, a propane grill and […]Read more "Wednesday… I feel so lost and hopeless"
My plan for tomorrow: 5:00 AM – 5:30 AM – Wake Up, Get Up 5:30 AM – 6:00 AM Read ODB, Answers in the heart – write down what they made me think about and how I felt. Pray Read other sheets I picked up at SAA if time allows 6:00 AM – 7:00 AM […]Read more "Tomorrow’s Goals"
Because I can. Because I wanted to. Because I’m back at NeighborhoodBar perhaps? It’s a Karbach Hopadillo an IPA brewed at Karbach brewery in Houston. I came over here to eat some dinner because it’s across the street from my apartment and I wanted to eat something before I went to my SAA meeting this […]Read more "Why am I having a beer today?"
I’m so scared of losing MyWife. I know she doesn’t really believe that, but it’s true. I’m terrified of it. As she was talking this evening about her therapy sessions, both yesterday and today, she mentioned grieving. She needs to grieve. I fear it’s grieving me and our relationship and moving away from me. (Here […]Read more "I’m so scared…"