And loneliness… and other things. When I talked to my coach this morning, before my last post. We talked about how I hadn’t been eating that well over the weekend, how I hadn’t been practicing good self care. How I was struggling with motivation. He mentioned that since it’s been almost two week without that […]Read more "It really is withdrawl ( a little explicit or vulgar )"
I can’t seem to get up and do anything. I’m really struggling today. I just keep thinking everything over in my head but not actually doing anything. I’m craving masturbation. I want to act out. I’ve been doing a bit of edging which isn’t too healthy. I have lots to do, but I don’t want […]Read more "Is this withdrawal?"
I woke up, scratch that, got up, later than I would have like this morning. I was awake at 5:30/6:00 but I went back to sleep until the second set of alarms went off at 7:00. Even then I continued to hit snooze until almost 7:30. Why do I seem to lack the will power […]Read more "Thursday, May 4th (brief explicit themes)"
I just thought about looking at CL ads again. Maybe because there’s what looks like a cute Asian girl in the lobby… I’m telling my controlling child that I don’t need to do that or look at porn to deal with that.Read more "Again!"
Just saw a couple of attractive women running on the trail, noticed a nipple or two and I just said to myself “aw fuck it lets just jerk of today” I’m thinking this way because I just saw FormerFriend?, an old/former friend and that brought up some pain. This whole morning seems kind of painful.Read more "So…"
This morning I just want to start by relating how much of a struggle this addiction can be. Forget the root of the problem and how I came to be this way; never mind whether or not this is normal or whether other people deal with these same things, this is what I deal with. […]Read more "It really is a struggle… (oh and I’m an asshole)"
This is my attempt at journalling my stream of consciousness. As thoughts pop into my head I am writing them down throughout the day. Well see if it works. Need to donate part of my severance to God. 11:28 AM – Thought about checking out CL. There’s got to be a way to capitalize on […]Read more "Stream of consciousness…"