Today

I feel anxious and overwhelmed. I feel a bit angry and powerless. I feel that my struggles with MyWife are futile and hopeless. I feel like things are never going to get better. I feel ashamed. I’m going to send my family disclosure to my cousins and I’m scared to do that. I don’t know […]

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I Did My Disclosure Today…

I guess what I can say about it is that it wasn’t as bad as I thought.  It was painful and shameful.  Terrifying and nerve wracking but my wife didn’t get up and run out of there screaming.  She did’t look at me with disgust.  She didn’t even get angry. I am scared that she […]

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First Draft of My Disclosure

So maybe not actually the first draft, but a draft.  They say you can’t heal without doing a disclosure, nor will your marriage ever heal.  I hope they are right, but I don’t see how my marriage will ever heal after she hears all this.  There’s just so much, it’s such an insane amount and […]

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I just want to give up

I feel like shit today. Things keep changing and I’m giving up hope. I’m losing patience and I’m really feeling down today. I haven’t stuck to my plans. I’m discouraged. I’ve acted out 3 times in the past 24 hrs (porn & masturbation) after doing so well. I slept in the morning. I haven’t worked […]

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I’m so scared…

I’m so scared of losing MyWife. I know she doesn’t really believe that, but it’s true. I’m terrified of it. As she was talking this evening about her therapy sessions, both yesterday and today, she mentioned grieving. She needs to grieve. I fear it’s grieving me and our relationship and moving away from me. (Here […]

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