I feel anxious and overwhelmed. I feel a bit angry and powerless. I feel that my struggles with MyWife are futile and hopeless. I feel like things are never going to get better. I feel ashamed. I’m going to send my family disclosure to my cousins and I’m scared to do that. I don’t know […]Read more "Today"
I recently started reading Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning. It was recommended to me by the pastor of a church I’ve been attending recently. I don’t know why, but I find this kind of stuff so hard to read. I can read a good fiction book like something by James Rollins or Steve Berry in as […]Read more "Hello God"
I guess what I can say about it is that it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It was painful and shameful. Terrifying and nerve wracking but my wife didn’t get up and run out of there screaming. She did’t look at me with disgust. She didn’t even get angry. I am scared that she […]Read more "I Did My Disclosure Today…"
So I’m back in CityX for two days. I came down for a job interview today and I also had to arrange some community service hours with the court and I have to meet with my probation officer tomorrow. (In case you haven’t been following, I was arrested for soliciting prostitution, which is how I […]Read more "Back in CityX… Old Temptations Arise"
So maybe not actually the first draft, but a draft. They say you can’t heal without doing a disclosure, nor will your marriage ever heal. I hope they are right, but I don’t see how my marriage will ever heal after she hears all this. There’s just so much, it’s such an insane amount and […]Read more "First Draft of My Disclosure"
Where does motivation go? Why is conflict and confrontation difficult? Why do I avoid? I’m feeling a bit lonely and sluggish this morning. Could have been I stayed up too late watching the hockey last night. Also could have been that one of my dogs was very annoying and antsy very, very early this morning. […]Read more "Lonely Saturday"
I woke up, scratch that, got up, later than I would have like this morning. I was awake at 5:30/6:00 but I went back to sleep until the second set of alarms went off at 7:00. Even then I continued to hit snooze until almost 7:30. Why do I seem to lack the will power […]Read more "Thursday, May 4th (brief explicit themes)"
I just thought about looking at CL ads again. Maybe because there’s what looks like a cute Asian girl in the lobby… I’m telling my controlling child that I don’t need to do that or look at porn to deal with that.Read more "Again!"
So this is my apartment too. My name is on the lease. I paid for the fucking place. I don’t care whether it’s morally right or not, I have a fucking legal right to be here. Some women would have kicked their husbands out on the street, says HerTherapist, some men would have cut their […]Read more "MyWife"
Just saw a couple of attractive women running on the trail, noticed a nipple or two and I just said to myself “aw fuck it lets just jerk of today” I’m thinking this way because I just saw FormerFriend?, an old/former friend and that brought up some pain. This whole morning seems kind of painful.Read more "So…"